Written for the Atlanta Constitution’s Gimme 5 Segement.

5. Nightly Action. Unlike the NBA playoffs, the NHL does not have the luxury to space out their schedule for plush weekend ratings. These guys play every night, with virtually no time off for traveling. A playoff hockey team is basically told to get in a van and make it to Boston by 4 PM tomorrow. Consequently, there is a full slate of great games each night as the NHL moves these teams around like unsigned bands.

4. Retro TV Production. If you have yet to enter the world of high definition TV, than hockey playoffs are your new favorite sport. Games are broadcasted on “VS.”, a startup network that can barely afford decent suits for their announcers, let alone HD transmitors. By the end of a hockey series, you'll be convinced that your TV has another ten years in it. Half the game look like they were filmed by a parent's personal camcorder, with jittery camera motions and a constant struggle to locate the puck. The announcers are even more unpolished. The studio panel for a hockey game looks like a lineup from a loanshark trial, with every one dressed in black suits, finger jewelry and slicked-back mullets.

3. Join a Secret Club. Embracing hockey is like becoming a free mason- you speak in riddles and always meet at secret locations. Because hockey terms are so regional and unfamiliar, fans are able to speak to each other in pure code (“Deke-ing”, “Meat Wagons”, “The Five Hole”). Most NHL cities have more people who speak Apache than understand hockey lingo. Plus, virtually no one can give you directions to a hockey game since the team –if it is even known by residents– is never using the city's primary arena.

2. Hang Out with Star Players. Unlike the prima donnas in other sports, hockey stars have no idea how to spend their millions. They are mainly foreigners who don’t know their way around town and are barely old enough to buy beer. Thus they can often be found at the same bars you and I attend. Plus, hockey players get drunk! College drunk! You will never run into a starting wide receiver drinking $1 High Lifes, but there is a decent chance you can meet a NHL goalie- and he is NOT going to end the night early, no matter what time the game starts tomorrow.

1. Create Your Own Rules. Since the NHL is in dire need of fan support, it truly is your league. If a play upsets fans, hockey will change the rule book that night to solve the problem. You want shoot outs? Done. Didn't like how that player distracted the goalie? It will never happen again. Complaining about hockey is like asking for a manager at Sears- they will do what ever it takes to keep you happy. On top of rule changes, most hockey fans will even listen to your ideas on how to “go undefeated”, like using a Sumo Wrestler for the goalie, or hiding the puck up a player's shirt. In fact, you can write a letter with completely hair-brained ideas for hockey and probably get a response from the Commissioner within a week.

by The VLR

29/04/2008
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